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Moments

I don't want to simply "see" the moment

I want to be in the moment


for far too long

I have been an observer

trying far too hard

to preserve some sense of control


the kind of control that eats away your soul

removes all spontaneity

and steals your spark


I have stepped into the dark

and felt what it feels like

to feel nothing much at all


but that nothing was something I needed to feel


it was painful

it was real

and it made me want to breathe freely again


healing wasn't easy

. . .isn't easy

. . . probably won't ever be easy


and that's okay


in the bookcase of my brain

overthinking

no longer claims the most space

upon these shelves


in this moment

I am living

and I'm learning

to be kinder

to myself

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