I don't want to simply "see" the moment
I want to be in the moment
for far too long
I have been an observer
trying far too hard
to preserve some sense of control
the kind of control that eats away your soul
removes all spontaneity
and steals your spark
I have stepped into the dark
and felt what it feels like
to feel nothing much at all
but that nothing was something I needed to feel
it was painful
it was real
and it made me want to breathe freely again
healing wasn't easy
. . .isn't easy
. . . probably won't ever be easy
and that's okay
in the bookcase of my brain
overthinking
no longer claims the most space
upon these shelves
in this moment
I am living
and I'm learning
to be kinder
to myself